1) Dodge Neon

Our top chick car should not be a total surprise. This is a car that was introduced to us in 1994 with a hugely annoying ad campaign, encouraging us to say "Hi" to the damn thing. However, the addition of an ‘s’ and a ‘t’ strategically placed on either side of the ‘hi’ more accurately sums up this chick car. Like Indian and Russian cars, Neons looked and drove like they were 10 years old, even when they were new. Who didn’t care? The high school and college driver contingent that made them chick cars. Apparently, the car’s only highlight was a rearview mirror that could withstand weights of 70 pounds or greater, since the average owner has at least that much crap hanging from it. Not even the hyper SRT edition could erase the damage of the chick-car reputation. Well, that and an overall driving impression that the design engineering team included a Mr. Flintsone and a Mr. Rubble.

2) Toyota RAV4

Since it was introduced over a decade ago, possibly no other compact SUV has been more deserving of the cute-ute tag than the Toyota RAV4 (and no, that’s not intended as a compliment). Even the name sets off the chick car radar, and with good reason. These Corollas on stilts appealed to the same buyers who had Cabbage Patch Dolls as kids and watched Beauty and the Beast about a trillion times. A girl growing up to understand it was her mission to pity and befriend ugly things is bound to drive an ugly chick car like the RAV4. Toyota tried to butch up the little fella with a couple redesigns and subtle plumping, but the precedent was set. Besides, as long as there are more guy-centric choices from the division like the FJ Cruiser and 4Runner, why bother?

3) VW Eos

Spiritual successor to the Cabriolet and Rabbit Convertible — two chick cars if there ever were — the $28,000 Eos may be out of reach for many sorority girls, much to their pouty dismay. That is, unless daddy buys them one or they wait until after graduation. If it’s of any consolation to the fathers, at least the Eos is a far better car than either of its ancestors. It also has some interesting features, including the folding power hardtop with a built in sunroof. Too bad it’s in such chick-car clothing. At least we guys still have the GTI if we want to go the VDub route.

4) Acura RSX

Acura’s Integra was never really the car for a man’s man, at least in stock form. When the design and name changed to RSX, the chick car factor was dialled up even higher. We doubt that was the intent; it was probably more like Acura trying to capitalize on the car’s popularity with the tuner crowd. It couldn’t have alienated guys more than if a pink Hello Kitty edition was offered. Plus, buyer tastes were shifting away from two-door hatches as the final car was brought to market. Acura’s mercy killing of this chick car saved their rep from further damage, also giving them more time to devote to bringing us a new NSX sometime before the next century.

5) BMW X3

Small SUVs haven’t escaped our critical eye, either. In fact, they’re among the premier chick cars out there. Look at the BMW X3 — classified as an SAV (Sport Activity Vehicle) which brings it’s femininity up 10-fold. As the little (and far less fun) sister of the X5 — which some would label a chick car as well — there’s really no compelling reason to own one. It doesn’t capitalize on BMW’s performance heritage to any great level. It feels too delicate to treat like a real SUV. What’s left? A cute-ute with the coveted roundel on the hood and hatch, announcing to all the other soccer moms and trailing wives that the driver has a Beemer. Or is it Beamer? Bimmer? She wouldn’t know, because she doesn’t truly appreciate the marque — only the logo.

6) Chevrolet Suburban

Couples who believe it’s their duty to further overpopulate the planet and simultaneously jeopardize future availability and quality of resources love Chevy Suburbans. And if you thought that last sentence was long, try parking one of these bus-sized beasts. That beeping you hear when the barge is in reverse? That’s you. Or it should be you, at least. Chevy doesn’t equip the truck with a backup beeper, but the optional rearview camera helps when you’re trying to navigate this nearly 20-foot long, 7-foot wide hunk of iron. Somewhere through the decades, the Suburban went from man wagon to chick car; probably about the same time they quit being used to get to the cabin in the woods and became the ride of choice for getting to cabin-themed chain restaurants next to an outlet mall located in what used to be the woods.

7) Chrysler PT Cruiser Convertible

8) Mercedes-Benz C230 Kompressor

Britney Spears and sanity; going to a strip club with your parents; Mercedes-Benz and hatchbacks. These are things that don’t belong together. The first is probably futile anyway, the second is obvious (or at least it should be) and the third was an idea we can only imagine was green lighted during Oktoberfest between draining beer steins and choruses of Ein Prosit. Consumers were left to deal with the hangover in the form of the C230 Kompressor. All Merc C-Class cars project the same message: The driver couldn’t afford the E-Class. This hatchback — especially in retina-burning lime green — was not only an unfortunate car, but it was also an unfortunate chick car. The single redeeming value was not the Starmark emblem on the hood, but the supercharger beneath it, enabling a marginally rapid getaway if any friends spot you driving it.

9) Pontiac G6

This is not just because Oprah boosted female ownership of the G6 by giving away a fleet of them to her studio audience; this is more scientifically traceable (as scientific as this author dares to tread, anyway). The G6 is the successor to the god-awful Grand Am, which women seemed to favour — especially those in trailer parks with babies from different daddies whose precise identification is the stuff of rural legend, town gossip and many shrugged shoulders (we warned you it was gonna get all science-y and stuff). So now the G6 builds off that fantastic legacy, though the owners seem to be generally of better character.

10) Mini Cooper Cabriolet

The fastest way to go from gilded to gelded? Castrate the Mini Cooper of its roof and you have an instant chick car. Some argue that it’s a chick car either way, but we don’t buy it. The hatchback is one of the most rewarding drives available at any price, but the convertible changes the feel altogether. No, the driving characteristics aren’t dramatically different, but the looks are ruined and the character does a complete 180. This prompts the wrong kind of attention from women. They notice you, but only because you’re driving the car they want.